Reverse graphology

[andrew_jorgensen]

I don't turn to The Plain Dealer for deep insight; indeed, this morning I merely skimmed across the shallows of Chuck Yarborough's gossip roundup. But I was forced to stare into my own abyss by the following:

The New York Post asked a handwriting expert to examine the scrawlings of hotel heiress Paris Hilton. The samples were her love letters to an ex-lover, Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys. One discovery: no lower loops, which indicates a complete lack of imagination. Surprised? Anyone? Anyone at all?

While I am dumbfounded by the concept of a grand epistolary romance between Paris Hilton and Nick Carter -- certainly it really took place between Paris's social secretary and a representative of whatever agency it is that provides beards to closeted celebrities (the Church of Scientology handles this in-house) -- what really brings me up short is simply that my handwriting doesn't have lower loops either. And while I knew this made it very difficult for me to mind my gs and qs, I never before realized that it was symptomatic of my lack of imagination!

Since I have always envied the imaginative, from now on I will endeavor to finish all my descenders with gargantuan, florid ellipses. One might think that something so personal as handwriting would be difficult to change, but there is precedence: I stopped using uppercase Es in my print handwriting after I read an article in which it was claimed that President Clinton writes with loopy Es so that he can finish the crossword faster, and I started crossing my Zs and 7s after I realized that I'm a precious and pretentious ass. Indeed, I've often thought that there should be a category of self-help literature dedicated to self-improvement through graphology. Certainly if something so malleable so rigidly reflects your character, you ought to be able to easily change your own essential self through just a few strokes of your pen. And, Google reveals, this idea is not only extant but on sale at Wal-Mart.

A graphic representation of the mental tendencies that shape our thinking, our handwriting naturally changes when our lives are dramatically altered. Now Vimala Rodgers demonstrates that the reverse is also true: when we purposefully change our handwriting, we develop new, more positive attitudes toward life.

A simple assessment test helps readers figure out what personality traits need to be worked on. Lessons covering every letter of the alphabet pinpoint how picking up a pen can solve a variety of problems. For example:
-- Modifying the letter "T" can help dieters stick to their diets
-- Trouble with your mother can be soothed with a change in Cs
-- Those suffering from writer's block should work on their Gs

(My own Gs are just fine, thank you very much.)

I suppose that one could not apply the same techniques to all other forms of character-divination -- it is hard to go back and change the day on which you were born, for example -- but I do think that there is a niche waiting to be filled by a self-help book based on the principles of phrenology. "Instead of just beating your head against the wall," it could say, "use it to knock open the doors to fame and fortune!"

Comments

[dherblay.livejournal.com]

Oh, so I never update and people wonder where I've gone; I update and people complain that I sound bored.

Thank you for the birthday wishes! I've already received so much more from you than I've given in return that you need not plead impecunity with me!

eiyahh..

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

Somedays, I'm not fit company for man or beast. In case the email doesn't reach you, as I don't cache at home, and I had to dig to last spring to find one at work, I am sorry and hope you have a good one. I'd actually love to send a card or something but south of the lake would probably not do it unless your postmen much more attentive than ours.

Birthdays can be odd things, just as I am trying to forget (it's forty four here soon) Ben has started remembering. I expect that it is the cheery influence of his colleagues (in Ben's foursome he is Athos most certainly) who have enjoyed the fun of Mom torture for much longer. Unlike History, he is a apparently a quick study for this. And I tend to get things like refrigerators (family because goodness knows we can't have anything fun can we) or lavendar (have hated it vocally for years must be why it sticks in their heads so) so I tend to try to keep mine pretty quiet. It saves on lots of disingenuous thank you notes later.

I did actually enjoy this post (modulo perhaps the couple.) I generally do, and admit to feeling that little bounce of anticipation when I see your icon popping up on the reading list.

There, no gift but some extra words.