Reverse graphology

[andrew_jorgensen]

I don't turn to The Plain Dealer for deep insight; indeed, this morning I merely skimmed across the shallows of Chuck Yarborough's gossip roundup. But I was forced to stare into my own abyss by the following:

The New York Post asked a handwriting expert to examine the scrawlings of hotel heiress Paris Hilton. The samples were her love letters to an ex-lover, Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys. One discovery: no lower loops, which indicates a complete lack of imagination. Surprised? Anyone? Anyone at all?

While I am dumbfounded by the concept of a grand epistolary romance between Paris Hilton and Nick Carter -- certainly it really took place between Paris's social secretary and a representative of whatever agency it is that provides beards to closeted celebrities (the Church of Scientology handles this in-house) -- what really brings me up short is simply that my handwriting doesn't have lower loops either. And while I knew this made it very difficult for me to mind my gs and qs, I never before realized that it was symptomatic of my lack of imagination!

Since I have always envied the imaginative, from now on I will endeavor to finish all my descenders with gargantuan, florid ellipses. One might think that something so personal as handwriting would be difficult to change, but there is precedence: I stopped using uppercase Es in my print handwriting after I read an article in which it was claimed that President Clinton writes with loopy Es so that he can finish the crossword faster, and I started crossing my Zs and 7s after I realized that I'm a precious and pretentious ass. Indeed, I've often thought that there should be a category of self-help literature dedicated to self-improvement through graphology. Certainly if something so malleable so rigidly reflects your character, you ought to be able to easily change your own essential self through just a few strokes of your pen. And, Google reveals, this idea is not only extant but on sale at Wal-Mart.

A graphic representation of the mental tendencies that shape our thinking, our handwriting naturally changes when our lives are dramatically altered. Now Vimala Rodgers demonstrates that the reverse is also true: when we purposefully change our handwriting, we develop new, more positive attitudes toward life.

A simple assessment test helps readers figure out what personality traits need to be worked on. Lessons covering every letter of the alphabet pinpoint how picking up a pen can solve a variety of problems. For example:
-- Modifying the letter "T" can help dieters stick to their diets
-- Trouble with your mother can be soothed with a change in Cs
-- Those suffering from writer's block should work on their Gs

(My own Gs are just fine, thank you very much.)

I suppose that one could not apply the same techniques to all other forms of character-divination -- it is hard to go back and change the day on which you were born, for example -- but I do think that there is a niche waiting to be filled by a self-help book based on the principles of phrenology. "Instead of just beating your head against the wall," it could say, "use it to knock open the doors to fame and fortune!"

Comments

[cactuswatcher.livejournal.com]

Unless you cross your zeros to differentiate them from your capital o's you are only borderline pretentious. Crossing sevens is Teutonic or something else of equal graphologic importance.

Change in c's? Short of black letter how does one change his c's? I'm afraid I'm more talented in cacography than calligraphy or orthography.

[dherblay.livejournal.com]

Unless you cross your zeros to differentiate them from your capital o's you are only borderline pretentious.

I'll never be able to do that again; one of the answers on the first test I took in eighth-grade math was zero and Mr. Beasley marked my answer wrong because I "indicated an empty set."

[cactuswatcher.livejournal.com]

Mr. Beasley obviously knew nothing about amateur radio or the joys of primitive computer printouts. He probably went to the same school for boneheaded eighth grade mathematics teachers as my Mr. Utley. Both of them taught us that humoring the teacher is often more important than knowing the correct answer.

[honorh.livejournal.com]

I love this entry. *Love* it in an unhealthy way. It should be a column in the New York Times and be required reading for all students of English.

*makes mental note to make descenders loopier*

[dherblay.livejournal.com]

Awww, thank you!

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

love your icon here

I wandered here from honorh's post and you write a sparking good commentary. Hee! I may have to quote.

My descenders don't usually have loops but are very, very long...does that count for anything?

[dherblay.livejournal.com]

Thank you! This is my only other Kim Possible icon, so please don't take the message personally!

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

*shocked*

Certainly not!

*grin*

[deevalish.livejournal.com]

Hey I cross my z's and 7's and my zero's!

[dherblay.livejournal.com]

Well, you are precious . . .

[deevalish.livejournal.com]

and you are too sweet!

[midnightsjane.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I cross my 7's but not my Z's. Am I only partly pretentious? What does it say about me that sometimes my writing changes from sort of printing to fancy loopy descenders? Is it a rebellion, long in coming, to the hours of practice writing I had to do in school? Pages and pages of perfectly formed and joined loops and O's....

[dherblay.livejournal.com]

You're Canadian, of course, so you can cross your sevens without pretension. Or, at least, I think you can; I really have no idea what graphologies are idiomatic in Canada.

[londonkds.livejournal.com]

I think Terry Pratchett invented the idea of "retro phrenology", which is life-coaching with a large mallet.

[ann1962]

is hard to go back and change the day on which you were born,

This happened to me recently here sort of. I didn't go back at all of course, but it was shocking.

There was a meme going around a while back where you described your own handwriting and the results told you definitively all about yourself. Some memes work better than others, memes being the most easily available self help option on the net!

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

Good grief.

Are you travelling again soon? You sound bored.

And did you mention somewhere in all of this when your regular birthday is in our calendar this year? I remember it either is soonish or was but not when but I vaguely knew at one point you were an air sign.*

I was attempting to skim and find it and check my vague memory but there's a lot of text here and not enough alliteration, not to mention the sheer numbers of birthday postings to wade through.

Oh never mind.. it's on your info page. Good grief again, and Happy Birthday (I am broke this year, and contemplating a monastary for the free food; but the appropriate wishes are there.)

[dherblay.livejournal.com]

Oh, so I never update and people wonder where I've gone; I update and people complain that I sound bored.

Thank you for the birthday wishes! I've already received so much more from you than I've given in return that you need not plead impecunity with me!

eiyahh..

[angeyja.livejournal.com]

Somedays, I'm not fit company for man or beast. In case the email doesn't reach you, as I don't cache at home, and I had to dig to last spring to find one at work, I am sorry and hope you have a good one. I'd actually love to send a card or something but south of the lake would probably not do it unless your postmen much more attentive than ours.

Birthdays can be odd things, just as I am trying to forget (it's forty four here soon) Ben has started remembering. I expect that it is the cheery influence of his colleagues (in Ben's foursome he is Athos most certainly) who have enjoyed the fun of Mom torture for much longer. Unlike History, he is a apparently a quick study for this. And I tend to get things like refrigerators (family because goodness knows we can't have anything fun can we) or lavendar (have hated it vocally for years must be why it sticks in their heads so) so I tend to try to keep mine pretty quiet. It saves on lots of disingenuous thank you notes later.

I did actually enjoy this post (modulo perhaps the couple.) I generally do, and admit to feeling that little bounce of anticipation when I see your icon popping up on the reading list.

There, no gift but some extra words.