How to make a heart-stopping salad

[andrew_jorgensen]

I've mentioned before my recent forays into fitness. Part of these have been the development of a taste for salads at lunch. No longer do I wolf down microwave lasagna or run over to Wendy's; now I eat the nutritious way! And you can too -- just follow these simple steps:

Step 1:


Fill a bowl with a heaping helping of baby spinach, the world's healthiest food, unless you want to retain calcium or something.

Step 2:


Add banana ring peppers. Only five calories a serving! And at fourteen rings per serving, good luck reaching even that.

Step 3:


Fresh onion adds zest, and will cause damage only to your stomach lining and social life.

Step 4:


Wait a minute. I don't know about this roast beef thing . . .

Step 5:


Wow, that's a lot of cheese.

Step 6:


Blue Cheese dressing? Blue Cheese dressing?? That crap is 100 percent fat! Why not just slice open a vein and cram in a stick of butter?

Step 7:


Just kidding. Newman's Own Light Honey Mustard: perhaps not the most nutritious dressing available, but at only 70 calories a serving, certainly appropriate if used in moderation.

Step 8:


Fuck moderation.

Comments

[dherblay.livejournal.com]

Kraft's light honey mustard dressing is white. I refuse to countenance white mustard.

[cactuswatcher.livejournal.com]

I have some store-brand honey mustard dressing in my fridge. It's yellow. But that's about the best thing I can say for it.